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Love and obsession are powerful emotions that can deeply impact our lives, yet they often get confused with one another. What distinguishes a passionate love from a consuming obsession? How do these intense feelings shape our relationships and influence our actions?
In this blog, we'll unravel the intriguing dynamics between love and obsession, revealing surprising insights that may change how you perceive these emotions.
What is Obsession and Love?
Obsession and love are often seen as opposites. While love reaches beyond the self to foster genuine connections with others, obsession is self-absorbed and feeds on itself. Obsessions are mental experiences that persistently intrude into consciousness and cannot be easily dismissed, often involving recurring thoughts, images, fears, urges, desires, or actions.
When you're obsessed, you can't stop thinking about a person and might feel an intense sense of entitlement, believing you must have them. The more they show disinterest, the more determined you become that you are meant to be together. This can lead to pestering them with frequent texts and calls, and in extreme cases, even stalking. If they don't reciprocate your feelings, you might react with anger and frustration.
Love on the other hand is when you are aware of someone's faults and accept them just as they are. You love them just as much when they're grumpy, and have dog breath and bed hair. You understand they’re far from perfect, but you don’t mind. You want the best for them and recognize that you’re dealing with a well-rounded person, not an idealized image. You don’t try to control them, knowing you don't own them. Instead, you feel content and comfortable in their company, appreciating them for who they truly are.
What are the differences between love and obsession?
Love grants. Obsession dominates. It is painful, tight, and persistent.
Love is joyful and enchanting. Obsession craves. It’s a hook, a fixation, a demand.
Love is soothing. Obsession is anxious.
Love releases. Obsession doesn’t let you get away.
Love embraces flaws. Obsession fixates on perfection.
Love trusts. Obsession is possessive.
Love respects boundaries. Obsession invades privacy.
Love encourages growth. Obsession stifles it.
Love is selfless. Obsession is selfish.
Love builds. Obsession destroys.
How do you spot obsessions when they occur?
When someone is obsessed with you, they aren't truly in love with you, but in love with the idea they have created of you. This fantasy brings them more satisfaction than having a genuine relationship with an actual person. You can recognize this obsession by noticing that they don't really care about your thoughts or feelings.
They believe they know everything they need to know about you based on superficial aspects, so they rarely ask meaningful questions. If they do ask something and your answer doesn't align with their idealized image, they dismiss what you say. It feels like they are infatuated with your appearance rather than who you are as a person. You become a fantasy, an ideal, rather than a real, complex individual. They avoid getting to know the real you because it would shatter their illusion.
In addition to this, they
Stalk you. They might follow you, appear unexpectedly at places you visit, or invasively monitor your online activities.
Might display possessive behaviour, become jealous or controlling when you interact with others, or attempt to isolate you from your friends and family.
The person may show an intense and overwhelming interest in you, progressing too quickly in the relationship, declaring love prematurely, or making grand gestures to impress you.
They might ignore your feelings, needs, and desires, insisting on having their way and disregarding your autonomy.
Can love lead to obsession?
Long-term intense romantic love may involve brain systems implicated in attachment and pair bonding, potentially leading to obsession. These hormones play significant roles in attachment and pair bonding. High levels of oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," promote bonding and intimacy, while vasopressin is linked to behaviours associated with long-term commitment. When these hormones are in play, individuals may develop a deep attachment to their partner, which can sometimes manifest as obsession if the attachment becomes excessively intense.
When fear comes into play, this fear can drive obsessive behaviours, such as constant checking, jealousy, and a need for reassurance, as one tries to prevent the loss of the relationship. The person in love might neglect their well-being and interests, focusing solely on the partner to the point of losing their own identity. This can further entrench the obsessive nature of their love.
Thereby creating what is known as the obsessive love syndrome.
How do you control obsession in a relationship?
Every path to recovery starts with recognition and acceptance. If you don't accept the fact that you may have developed an obsessive love for your partner you will never be able to recover. According to therapists and some experts, here are a couple of ways one can deal with an obsessive love
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Techniques
CBT is a well-established approach for dealing with obsessive thoughts and behaviours. Here are some specific CBT techniques:
Cognitive Restructuring: Challenge and change unhelpful thoughts. For example, if you think, "I can't live without this person," reframe it to, "I can build a fulfilling life on my own."
Thought Records: Keep a journal where you write down obsessive thoughts and then counter them with rational responses. This can help in breaking the cycle of negative thinking.
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction
Mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the intensity of obsessive thoughts
Practice daily mindfulness meditation. Spend 10-15 minutes focusing on different parts of your body, noticing sensations without judgment. This will take your mind of the obsessive thoughts that invade your mind.
Behavioural Interventions
Behavioural techniques can help you manage actions that reinforce obsessive thoughts:
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): Gradually expose yourself to triggers that usually lead to obsessive thoughts, but resist the urge to engage in compulsive behaviours. For instance, if checking the person’s social media is a compulsion, delay this action longer each day until the urge diminishes.
Activity Scheduling: Fill your schedule with enjoyable and engaging activities that distract you from obsessive thoughts.
Limit Access to Triggers
Create a plan to reduce exposure to triggers that exacerbate your obsession:
Digital Detox: Limit your use of social media and other digital platforms where you might be tempted to engage in obsessive behaviours.
Change Routines: Adjust your daily routine to avoid places or activities that remind you of the person you are obsessed with.
By blending these expert-recommended techniques and strategies, you can effectively manage and reduce obsessive love. Staying consistent and committed to these practices, while also seeking professional support, can lead to significant improvements in your emotional health and overall well-being.
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