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Overthinking is a loop of unproductive thoughts. It may also be defined as an excessive number of useless thoughts related to worry.
According to Doctor Domina Petric, overthinking occurs in three levels:
The first level of overthinking is the modest level that most individuals encounter from time to time, especially during stressful periods.
The second level of overthinking is moderate, and it is common in persons with anxiety disorders. They have normal thoughts but can't control their feelings, so they worry a lot.
These people are frequently more anxious about their lives than they should be, and they may suffer from issues such as sleeplessness, excessive food or alcohol consumption, and so on.
The third level of overthinking is severe. People who overthink excessively may suffer a loss of reality. These individuals have a severe anxiety condition and/or psychotic features. They have obsessive thoughts that are structured in a fictitious reality that lives in the individual's head.
In relation to relationships, overthinking can cause excessive tension and worry leading to misunderstandings between partners. It may weaken trust and promote uncertainty, making emotional closeness difficult.
Understanding the different levels of overthinking in relationships is essential for partners to sympathize with one another's emotional challenges. It helps partners establish a supportive and loving atmosphere that enhances their relationship by identifying and accepting these issues.
Let's dive into why people overthink their relationships and how to control them.
Why do people overthink in a relationship?
Overthinking often roots from stress and anxiety, with self-esteem problems and self-doubt being additional triggers. When individuals feel fearful, they tend to dwell on their thoughts, obsessing over the worst possible outcomes.
This cycle of negative thinking makes it challenging to see positive aspects. For instance, the fear of emotional rejection or the end of a relationship by a partner can intensify these overthinking patterns.
Other factors such as
Past trauma
Need for control
Attachment issues
Striving for a perfect relationship
sometimes play a major role in why we overthink our relationships.
It's possible that you overthink as a means to regain control in uncertain situations in your relationship, especially when the relationship takes unexpected turns or striving excessively for a perfect relationship can also lead to overthinking.
Additionally, underlying factors such as anxiety disorders or attachment styles might contribute. The reasons for overthinking in relationships can vary widely, and understanding the specific cause requires professional help. Speaking to a specialist can assist in identifying the root cause of your overthinking patterns.
Why is overthinking a terrible thing?
You might be questioning why overthinking is harmful since thinking is a natural part of being human and essential for our survival. It's true; pondering things is normal, but the issue arises when it becomes incessant.
Overthinking, in essence, is dwelling on something excessively, trying to solve every problem in your relationship or life, or connecting every issue to your relationship. From a happiness perspective, constantly overthinking hinders your ability to be content. It puts you in survival mode, making it difficult to enjoy the present or find solutions effectively.
Finding happiness and peace becomes challenging when your mind is always racing with thoughts. According to Layla Moon in her book How to Stop Overthinking, overthinking is even classified as a medical condition.
Research supports this claim, indicating that it seriously affects our mental and physical health.
Overthinking elevates stress levels by increasing stress hormones in our bodies, potentially leading to health issues like high blood pressure, severe fatigue, and headaches, especially when experienced over extended periods.
5 Methods To Stop Overthinking Your Relationship
The goal is to lower stress and intense emotions, allowing for clear thinking. It's about purposeful thinking instead of getting lost in constant worry and anxiety.
If you find yourself overthinking in your relationship, these are the techniques you should practice.
They help shift your focus, enabling calmer and more rational thoughts.
Start by paying attention to what you are feeling
Begin by being aware of your emotions. Are you feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or facing something nerve-wracking in your life? Acknowledge these emotions; ignoring them only worsens anxiety. Instead, take a moment to breathe and sit with your feelings.
Allow yourself to be still and simply experience what you're feeling. This mindful awareness can be a crucial step in managing your emotions effectively.
Take deep breaths
Taking deep breaths is a simple yet highly effective technique. Numerous studies support its benefits. In a 2007 study on stress management, it was found that practising deep breathing for three to five minutes enhances productivity, happiness, and overall well-being.
You can do this technique anytime, not just when you're stressed or overthinking. Deep breathing promotes a sense of calm and focus, enabling you to think more clearly and efficiently.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique is a grounding exercise used to manage anxiety and stress by reconnecting with the present moment. Here's how it works:
5. Look around you and acknowledge five things you can see around you. Just look around and note five things around you.
4. Now look for four things you can touch. It might be the texture of an object, the feeling of your clothes against your skin, or the sensation of the ground beneath your feet. Make these different from the things you saw around you.
3. Now switch and pay attention to three things you can hear. Listen for both distant and nearby sounds. Ideally, you want to choose things that are outside your body and in your surroundings.
2. Recognize two things you can smell. It might be the scent of flowers, food, or any other aroma in your environment. You can decide to go for a walk to try and smell something.
1. The final part is to focus on one thing you can taste. This could be the aftertaste of a drink, a lingering flavour, or even just the inside of your mouth. Pay attention to the thing you are tasting.
By engaging your senses in this way, you bring your attention back to the present moment, helping to reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm.
Go through this at least once a day to make it easier to know or make you aware of the present instead of overthinking the past or the future.
Share your thoughts with your partner
When you find overthinking again share your thoughts with your partner and communicate to them about what is going through your mind. By sharing your thoughts with them you share your burden of worries with them which will reduce the weight on you.
Talking about your worries with them means not dealing with them alone this provides an emotional release for you thereby reducing the stress on you. You are involving them in the issues you're encountering. Sharing your load means you can work together as a team to find answers, which may lower the weight of your worries and make them feel more manageable.
Find a way to keep your attention in the present
Don't get me wrong you are allowed to think about the future, make plans ahead and all but when you find yourself overthinking it is what creates the problems. Focusing on the current moment helps stop your mind from unnecessarily worrying about the past or future.
Similar to the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, activities like journaling, playing games, or watching movies that you love can keep your mind in the present. In a way by engaging in these activities, you challenge negative thoughts.
When you catch yourself overthinking, question if your thoughts are true, and then replace them with positive and realistic ones by doing something you enjoy. Engaging in these activities shifts your focus away from anxieties, promoting a more positive mindset.
Final Remarks
Practice these methods at least once every day and you will see drastic changes and more focus in the present. By being more focused in the present you will be able better judgements in your relationship.
If you are still overthinking things after practising these techniques seek further from a psychologist. You can read the book 27 Proven Ways On How To Stop Overthinking by Layla Moon.
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