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What is emotional neglect?
When we think about challenges associated with growing up, we typically picture physically mistreated kids. Still, we never consider the possibility that emotional neglect could be just as harmful and hazardous to a kid's health as physical abuse. The child who is emotionally neglected is frequently ignored. There is never a good time for their parents to notice the drawing they just finished, the excellent grade they received in class, or the fact that they had a difficult day in school.
Taking care of them was never a priority because they always had something else to do. William James, a psychologist, observed that emotional neglect can be just as harmful as physical suffering.
Andrei Lankov said, “Not To have your suffering recognized is an unbearable form of violence”. People normally only talk about emotional neglect in reference to children's upbringing. But emotional neglect can happen at any age and from many people with whom you have a relationship.
In romantic relationships, an individual experiences emotional neglect when their demands for affection are repeatedly rejected, ignored, invalidated, or undervalued by their partners. It entails failing to show empathy, which indicates a lack of awareness of their needs. Experiencing extreme loneliness in your relationship when your emotions are ignored is the worst type of neglect.
This happens in many relationships because one gives and the other receives, but that is not how it should be. Both should give and both should receive. We acquire emotional fulfilment in a relationship by being seen, heard, cared for, and connected. It is all part of what makes a healthy relationship.
Signs of emotional neglect in a relationship
A problem arises when your emotions are viewed as excessive, insignificant, or of lower priority than other matters. Despite their best efforts, your partner might still have failed to take care for your emotional needs. They might not have learned how to handle the emotional needs of others since they may have had their own emotions neglected as children. Here are some indicators that you may be experiencing emotional abuse:
You struggle to recognize your strengths and weaknesses in the relationship
You lose self-compassion and understanding
You feel guilty or ashamed about your needs and feelings
You feel disconnected from your partner or the relationship
You get easily overwhelmed by events in the relationship
You start to doubt your value in the relationship and have low self-esteem.
You become extremely sensitive to rejection. Any form of rejection from your partner scares you
You lack clarity regarding your expectations and your partner’s expectations in the relationship. You are never clear on what you want in the relationship and always go along with what they may offer.
The first step to addressing and resolving the underlying issues in a relationship is to recognize these indications. Open and honest communication can help incase your partner is not doing by intention.
How to deal with emotional neglect in a relationship
Everyone needs some time and space to reflect and process things in order to find themselves, but if you sense that your relationship is deteriorating and the distance and silence between you seem to be growing, then there must be a more serious problem.
Here are a couple of tips to help you deal with being emotionally neglected in your relationship
Assess yourself first
By taking time to assess yourself, you gain insight into your emotions, triggers, and potential unmet needs. This self-awareness enables you to identify and communicate your emotional needs more effectively to your partner. It is possible to spot reoccurring patterns or dynamics that cause emotional neglect. With this understanding, you can spot instances of neglect and understand how you may be contributing to or facilitating the loop.
Communication is always the go-to when there are problems in your relationship. Simply discuss it with your partner, express how you feel, and state your needs. Instead of making vague complaints, be specific about the changes you'd like to see. For example, "I'd appreciate it if we could set aside time each week to talk and connect," offers a concrete solution to the issue.
Once you communicate, you identify and express your feelings honestly. You make them aware of their neglect of your emotions and how you think it can be resolved. This understanding is essential because it enables you two to be fully aware of how their behaviour might be harming their partner's emotional health.
Seek to understand your partner more
By understanding your partner's point of view you can understand why they neglect you emotionally. Encourage them to communicate their needs, thoughts, and feelings without passing judgment. Hear their worries and acknowledge their emotions. This creates a basis for more profound connections by fostering trust.
Empathy can be developed by understanding your partner's experiences, feelings, and why they neglect your emotions. Put yourself in their shoes. Empathy encourages compassion and can help with forgiveness and healing. Seeking to understand and know your partner allows you to know their love language which further allows you to become more aware of their emotional needs and how they express and receive love.
Avoid assumptions
Making assumptions can affect genuine emotional connection in a relationship. Projecting your ideas, feelings, or past experiences onto your partner is a common aspect of assumptions. This projection could distort your perception and keep you from fully appreciating your partner's viewpoint. You allow your spouse the freedom to express oneself truthfully by avoiding assumptions.
Instead of allowing yourself to believe that they do not love you because they neglect you emotionally, why don't you keep an open mind and communicate with your partner?
By putting preconceived notions aside, you establish a secure and accepting atmosphere where you both feel free to communicate your feelings and worries.
Being patient
Numerous things, such as previous relationships or personal emotional issues, can contribute to emotional neglect. Being patient allows you to recognize that addressing emotional neglect requires time and understanding. It encourages you to tackle the situation with respect and compassion and accept that change may take time.
Oftentimes, they may be neglecting you emotionally because they grew up in a neglectful home. Emotional neglect may not be intentional, and your partner may not even be aware of it. Patience can give your partner time to recognize the issue, understand your needs, and work on making improvements.
Respecting your partner's unique journey and progress is a key component of patience.
Final Remarks
Emotional neglect in relationships is a serious problem that can deeply affect the people in it. It's important to notice the signs because they're often overlooked, but they can have a big impact.
If you think you're experiencing emotional neglect, it's crucial to take action. Begin by talking openly and kindly to your partner about your needs and feelings. If necessary, consider getting professional help like couples counseling to create a safe place for both of you to share your feelings and work on issues together.
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