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At some point in your life, chances are you have had a gut feeling and felt anxious about a certain situation or a relationship. You may have been somewhere and instantly felt like something wasn’t right.
But what are gut feelings? Gut feeling is your immediate understanding of something that may not be safe. There is mostly no need to think it over. You know that something doesn’t feel right, It arises from within you and only you can understand it and then there is anxiety.
Anxiety on the other hand is caused by stress and fear. It causes your brain to constantly be bundled with more thoughts about a situation and overcomplicate it. Your mind then fabricates unneeded and baseless details that are not grounded in reality.
It is natural to feel anxious in relationships since they involve emotional vulnerability and the risk of rejection or getting hurt but it becomes a problem when it gets excessive and begins to interfere with the individual's and the relationship's general well-being.
What is relationship anxiety and how does it affect relationships?
Relationship anxiety is a psychological phrase that describes feelings of worry, fear, or unease that people may have in their romantic relationships.
This type of anxiety might occur when you are worried about making a commitment in the relationship or from fear of failing to meet your partner's expectations.
Individuals suffering from relationship anxiety are too concerned with their partner's feelings, intentions, or actions.
They may be afraid of being unloved, rejected, or replaced, or they may feel inadequate or have low self-esteem, all of which contribute to insecurities in the relationship.
At its worst, R-OCD (Relationship- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) develops, in which the sufferer is plagued by constant intrusive thoughts about their partner's loyalty, whether they're about to dump them, who else they're seeing, do they like someone else more.
Your concerns about the partnership become uncontrollable and begin to harm the relationship as a result. It produces recurring thoughts.
It is very common and affects many people in varied degrees. The idea is to recognize when things become excessive and when you recognize it, you begin to practice good coping techniques in order to develop more pleasant and rewarding relationships.
Related Topic: Low self-esteem and how it affects your relationship
What are gut feelings and how important is it?
Gut feelings, often referred to as intuition or instincts, have been a subject of interest for psychologists and specialists in various fields. While there is ongoing research and debate, here are some perspectives and findings related to gut feelings.
Psychologists often discuss the dual-process theory, which suggests that decision-making involves both analytical thinking and intuitive or emotional processes.
Gut feelings are considered part of the intuitive system, helping individuals make quick judgments or decisions based on feelings and past experiences.
Gut feelings are like a silent guide, helping us make snap decisions based on a mix of intuition and past experiences.
For instance, imagine meeting someone new, and despite no apparent reason, you instantly feel comfortable or uneasy around them. That's your gut feeling at play, drawing on subtle cues and patterns your brain has picked up over time to shape your initial impression.
It's that inexplicable sense that nudges you to take a different route or pause before making a choice, often proving valuable in navigating the uncertainties of daily life.
Recommended book: The Magic Path of Intuition
Nature of relationship anxiety and gut feelings
While the gut feeling is a good thing, it is possible to confuse it with anxiety. Because gut feelings and anxiety share the same physical sensations, they can be readily misinterpreted or difficult to distinguish.
This usually confuses people's relationships because they mistake their anxiety for a gut feeling and end up breaking up with their partners thinking they had escaped a bullet when the problem was actually from them.
There is a gut feeling and there is just fear, most of the time when you don’t know what to do or where to go you get anxious.
Instead of acknowledging that we may be suffering from anxiety, we may try to mask it by convincing ourselves that it is our gut telling us something. How do you tell if it's your gut or a wild concept in your head attempting to persuade you to do something you don't want to do?
Difference Between Gut Feeling and Anxiety
GUT FEELING | RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY |
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The perplexing element about anxiety and instincts is that they are both fuelled by protection and prior experience, but the difference is that our instincts emerge from a deep place inside us that is calm and conscious. If we can control our anxiety, we will be able to examine the reality of the situation, why we are feeling this way, and how our values are related to the circumstance. It will be much easier to have a better view or understanding of what is going on.
How to deal with relationship anxiety
We can all agree that relationship anxiety is not a good thing. Relationships are difficult to conceive and articulate and we sometimes struggle to fully understand our actions and behaviors in a relationship.
We are frequently left with broken hearts, concerns, uncertainties, insecurities, and anxieties.
When it matters and it hurts, we build up a wall and defend our hearts by acting nonchalantly.
Relationships can affect us in many ways, either positively or negatively. When it affects you mentally it can have detrimental effects on your mental well-being which can cause anxiety and fear in the relationship.
Here you will learn 4 steps that will help you deal with the constant anxiety that comes with every relationship you find yourself in and destroying them;
How to overcome relationship anxiety
Identify and write down your anxious feelings
You can simply get control of your anxiety by writing down how you feel. When you begin to feel nervous about something in your relationship, you pause, acknowledge your emotions, and ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are. You write down and label your feelings as you experience them.
According to cognitive behavioural therapy, doing so activates a different region of the brain than when you are anxious. As we write and identify our feelings, the prefrontal cortex is stimulated, while the amygdala, the brain region responsible for fear, is deactivated. Writing down your emotions helps to calm the fear centre of your brain, which reduces your anxiety.
Determine how damaging your behaviours are to the relationship
You must understand your anxiety cycle ie. when your anxiety manifests itself in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. The pattern of thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that perpetuate and deepen feelings of anxiety is referred to as the anxiety cycle. It's a self-reinforcing cycle that can lead to increasing worry and is difficult to quit without intervention.
Anxiety in a relationship is usually caused by a scenario, interaction, or lack of something between you and your spouse. The cycle begins with how your anxiety was triggered. For example, if your partner hasn't texted you or phoned you in a while. You begin to doubt their devotion to you.
These worried thoughts then lead to the second stage of the cycle, which is worrying, which leads to anxious actions, which are the hasty things you do to try to alleviate your anxiety. You may then begin to try to look through your partner's messages searching for clues to accuse them of cheating.
By identifying the effects of your reactions to the relationship, you become aware of the situation. Self-awareness is a crucial first step in understanding and managing any emotional challenge, including anxiety.
Learn to control your anxious feelings
No matter how worried you are, it is critical that you refrain from lashing out in any way. Developing anxiety-management skills equips you with a set of efficient coping methods for when anxiety strikes. Instead of feeling helpless or immobilized, you'll have tools to manage and work through stressful periods.
You will be able to manage how you react once you have identified how you feel and what causes the anxiety. Remember that engaging in jealousy out of fear will always be detrimental to the relationship. No matter how difficult it is, take a moment to reflect on your circumstances and decide not to act in ways that would endanger your relationship.
Communicate with your partner
It becomes easier to explain your worried feelings to your spouse once you recognize them. Discussing your feelings openly might help you both understand and support one another. It enables your partner to understand what you're going through and helps to avoid misunderstandings.
Talking about your worried feelings with your partner allows you to share your emotions and vulnerabilities. It enables them to understand what you're going through and how worry affects your thoughts and behaviour.
When you convey your concern, a caring and supporting spouse can validate and reassure you. This validation can help to relieve some of the emotional stress and lessen feelings of loneliness.
Throughout this procedure, it is also important to be gentle with yourself. Don't judge yourself or assume there's something wrong with you because you are mostly anxious in the relationship. Show yourself the same compassion and understanding that you would extend to a friend in a similar position.
Final Remarks
Relationship anxiety is a frequent and natural occurrence in many people's romantic relationships. It is critical to understand that feeling worried in a relationship does not imply that the relationship is doomed or that something is wrong with you. Instead, it indicates that you are highly invested in your relationship with your partner.
Self-awareness is a valuable tool for recognizing your anxiety triggers and habits. You may build your relationship by discussing frankly with your partner about your feelings, anxieties, and needs.
Remember that managing relationship anxiety is about learning to cope with anxious feelings rather than removing them entirely. Accept the growth process and be patient and compassionate with yourself along the way. Seeking expert help from a therapist or counsellor can also help provide vital information and solutions geared to your specific need.
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