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Complex PTSD And How It Affects Intimate Relationships

Updated: Nov 27, 2023

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What is Complex-PTSD?

What is Complex-PTSD

Ever wondered how our past experiences, especially the tough ones, shape the way we connect with others? In my article, we're unraveling the effects of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) on close relationships. It's not just about one big traumatic event; it's about the lasting impact of repeated traumas, especially those from our early years.


Think of it like this: our childhood scars, if left unhealed, can mess with our minds over a long time. This article dives into how these experiences can affect our health and well-being for a lifetime. Join me in exploring the complexities of C-PTSD, where the ghosts of our past keep playing a role in how we navigate the ups and downs of intimate connections."


People dealing with C-PTSD often face issues like feeling less confident about themselves, dealing with a lot of shame, and finding it tough to handle their emotions so connecting with others and keeping relationships can be a real challenge for them.


According to research, Complex PTSD occurs more frequently than we realize.

The CDC estimated that 61% of the US population has gone through at least one traumatic event which has the potential of developing into PTSD.


The unresolved trauma experienced by children who were raised in abusive households or experienced traumatizing events and do not seek help as adults may manifest itself in a variety of ways, including substance misuse, overeating, overworking, anxiety, problems falling asleep, and physical discomfort.



What distinguishes PTSD from Complex PTSD?


While the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD may share similarities, the latter unfolds a unique narrative with its exclusive set of additional challenges.


According to Marylene Cloitre (Clinical Professor (Affiliate) of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine), Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) isn't born from a single moment but emerges as a result of enduring, sustained trauma a complex intertwining of various forms of abuse and traumatic experiences.


Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is a phrase used to describe many experiences that result from persistent traumatic events that happen over time. It is usually trauma that typically begins in childhood.


For instance, a kidnapping victim or a child who has experienced multiple traumas, most often distinct forms of abuse or emotional neglect, could develop C-PTSD. When a child goes through abuse or ongoing trauma while their brains are still developing, it can disrupt their brain's normal development. Without the right support, this can affect the person's whole life.


It could involve sexual, emotional, or physical abuse.


C-PTSD shares the basic symptoms of PTSD like nightmares, avoidance, low mood, and being on high alert. But it goes further, bringing in emotional ups and downs, shifts in how you see yourself, changes in awareness, and more, including difficulties managing anger. low self-esteem, etc.


While PTSD and C-PTSD share some symptom clusters, C-PTSD has a wider spectrum of symptoms because the trauma is chronic and recurrent.


PTSD on the other hand can be seen as an emotional reaction to a single traumatic event, often triggered by life-threatening situations like a car accident or sexual assault.


However, not every traumatic experience automatically leads to PTSD, as specific criteria must be met. While many events may be distressing, not all reach the threshold for developing PTSD symptoms.


That doesn't imply your particular circumstance won't make you feel depressed, traumatic, or anxious but brain scans reveal significant abnormalities in areas of the brain in PTSD patients that are mostly absent in healthy individuals.


Different people have different levels of resilience and coping skills, and the onset of PTSD can be influenced by a number of circumstances.



How Complex- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder affects relationships

How Complex PTSD affects intimate relationships

Relationships can be significantly impacted by C-PTSD. It can affect various aspects of a person's life, including their relationships.


Each adult with C-PTSD, who endured persistent child maltreatment, develops unique emotional and behavioral adaptations. These adaptations serve as their primary defense mechanisms, helping them survive and navigate challenging and hostile environments.


It's important to note that summarizing the experience of living with someone with C-PTSD is complex and can't be captured in a single set of traits.


In light of this, the following are some general ways that C-PTSD may impact your relationship:


  • There will be signs of anxiety and excessive vigilance in the relationship

People who have C-PTSD may have heightened attention and hypervigilance, where they are continually searching their surroundings for potential threats. The dysfunctional relationships and abuse within the family of origin have led to an over-readiness of unexpected danger.


Therefore, even small changes in their partner's voice, mood, or conduct could cause them to become immediately alarmed. Their overwhelming anxiety and terror may occupy all of their focus and energy, making it harder for them to understand their partner's feelings and needs or vice versa.


They might then choose to remain silent and grow even more emotionally distant. Their partner would experience ongoing scrutiny or doubt of their motivations, which would undermine trust. This will undoubtedly have an impact on the relationship because it will produce misconceptions.


  • People with C-PTSD may have limited tolerance for anger, crowds, etc.

Because they walked such a tightrope and hid in the shadows to avoid the chaos, it will be difficult for them to appreciate your boisterous relatives or spontaneous actions. They may come off as being quite controlling in this sense.


They require control over the happenings in their day and their surroundings. This control is a result of limiting the uncertainty that is brought on by having too many individuals and events.


This may lead to small issues that will arise in day-to-day interactions and may trigger intense frustration or irritability, leading to arguments or unhealthy communication patterns.


  • There will be a lack of proper emotional expression in the relationship

When you say or do something, your C-PTSD-diagnosed partner may have intense emotional reactions to them. These responses might not be appropriate given the circumstances.


You'll notice unwarranted possessiveness, suspicion, animosity, rage, and other negative emotions growing as a result of an earlier incident. The individual with C-PTSD unconsciously transfers onto you the same intents of their parents' or caregivers' actions that caused them significant trauma.


They could unintentionally recreate painful events in their relationships. Although the defense habit is automatic and ingrained, it may cause you to be stressed and out in the relationship.



  • There will be a lack of intimacy in the relationship

People who suffer from C-PTSD may act out in avoidance behaviors, such as isolating themselves or avoiding social situations, even romantic ones. They are mostly slow to warm up to new concepts, connections, experiences, etc. As a result, the relationship might not start out with excitement.


They can be very withdrawn or numb, which causes them to pull away from their partners. causing struggles with intimacy in the relationship.


Their inability to truly connect with their own feelings and be in the moment with their partner can hinder intimacy weakening the intimacy and bond.



Managing relationships with C-PTSD


One effective psychological therapy for treating Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is trauma-focused therapy which most therapists use in treating C-PTSD patients. This can include various approaches such as:


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: The Therapist helps the patient focus on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with trauma.


Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness to help individuals regulate their emotions and improve interpersonal effectiveness.


Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET): Involves the individual recounting their life story, including traumatic experiences, to help integrate these memories and promote healing.


Schema Therapy: Focuses on identifying and changing negative patterns of thought and behavior that were developed as a result of early adverse experiences.


Individuals with C-PTSD can try some of these methods to help them in managing their emotions and thoughts thereby managing triggers that could indeed affect the relationship. It always advisable to see a therapist for help.


Remember to always be open and honest with your partner and express your needs, triggers, and boundaries to your partner.



How Partners Can Help Their Loved Ones with C-PTSD


Partners can play a supportive role by:

  • Educating Themselves: Understanding C-PTSD and its effects can help partners provide informed and empathetic support.

  • Encouraging Therapy: Encouraging the individual with C-PTSD to seek professional help and participate in therapy sessions when appropriate.

  • Creating a Safe Environment: Establishing a safe and supportive environment at home is crucial for someone with C-PTSD.

  • Practicing Patience: Healing from C-PTSD is a gradual process, and partners should be patient and understanding throughout the journey.



FINAL REMARKS


For the partners, It is only sensible that you educate yourself on C-PTSD and understand that most of the trouble or dysfunctional behavior is not about you in order to be a supportive spouse.


When your partner has an episode, it's best to avoid challenging them or telling them to loosen up, get over it, etc. Such claims merely undermine a very emotional experience your partner has had or has just had.


It will help to give more affection, give more assurance, and make small adjustments to lessen risks. Kindness is undoubtedly more significant than correctness. You should be aware that people with C-PTSD can have fulfilling relationships, just like everyone else.













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