Dec 18, 2023

12 Open Relationship Rules: Do's and Don'ts

Updated: Dec 20, 2023

Content

According to Tristan Taormino in a book he published about open relationships, traditional monogamous marriages in America and other parts of the world have been facing serious challenges for a while, especially as the role of the stay-at-home wife and sole breadwinner husband began to change during the Industrial Revolution.

People who practice nonmonogamy say "One partner cannot meet all their needs and they may want to have sex or a relationship with someone other than their current partner. But instead of hiding it, they bring this fact out in the open. They don’t stifle their behavior based on how they are supposed to act."

In practical terms, this means they openly discuss what they want and work through any concerns. They believe it's possible to share affection, sex, romance, and love with multiple people ethically and responsibly, rejecting the idea that these aspects should be limited to just one person.

They value their freedom and the freedom of their partners, and with that freedom comes, for some a greater sense of security. One of the most profound things about their relationships is how confident and content they feel about the strength of their partnerships.

In his book, one lady in an interview stated, "Because her relationships aren’t built on false ideas about exclusivity forever, she feels more cherished by her partner, she said, there is an investment in what we have rather than what we should have."

Let's dive more into the topic. Here are 12 Do's and Don'ts that typically contribute to a successful open relationship.

12 Open Relationship Rules (6 Do's and 6 Don'ts)

Do's

1. Be Self-aware

Success in any relationship, including open ones, begins with a clear understanding of your desires and needs. Knowing yourself is important in open relationships. It helps you figure out your emotional and physical limits. This is crucial because it allows you to talk to your partner about what you're comfortable with and what you expect.

Open relationships might make you feel jealous or insecure, but being self-aware means you can recognize and handle these feelings. It's not just about knowing your limits; it's also about understanding and respecting your partner's limits. This respect is key to keeping trust and a good relationship.

2. Do Communicate

Before delving into an open relationship, it's crucial to have a clear understanding of yourself, your values, and your desires.

While you don't have to have everything perfectly sorted before initiating discussions, talking about it with someone else or seeking an outsider's perspective can help clarify your thoughts. The more clarity you possess regarding your wants, concerns, and objectives, the more effectively you can engage in the communication process.

When you talk honestly, it creates a safe space to share feelings, talk about worries, and find solutions together.

This kind of emotional talk makes the relationship stronger. And since relationships can change or involve others, ongoing communication ensures everyone agrees with the changes. It helps the relationship stay flexible and makes each partner feel in control of their choices.

3. Do Practice Patience

Being patient is important for making open relationships work considering how complicated it can get. By being patient you deal with these complications calmly and take time to understand each other better.

It gives space for growth and makes the relationship stronger in ways it is supposed to. Plus, being patient over time helps build trust, creating a solid basis for a healthy, and lasting open relationship.

4. Do Trust Your Partner

In open relationships, partners need to agree on clear rules and boundaries. Trust holds these agreements together, making sure that everyone's needs and limits are not just recognized but also respected and followed.

Think of trust as the thing that keeps everything balanced. For example, if one partner wants to explore a new connection, the trust built in their main relationship lets them do it with confidence. This trust assures both people that, even when they're exploring connections with others, the foundation of their main relationship stays strong and dependable.

Without trust, things can get shaky. There might be uncertainty making it harder for the relationship to grow.

5. Do Be Honest

Being honest is important in nonmonogamous relationships, it's what sets them apart from cheating. This honesty isn't just about external relationships, it's also about talking openly about your feelings.

Even though telling the truth can be tough, especially if you think it might hurt your partner, people in successful open relationships say that knowing what's going on makes them feel secure and connected.

On the flip side, when they're unsure about their partner's activities, feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and anxiety tend to come up. So, being open and truthful not only builds trust but also strengthens the emotional connection, creating a strong foundation for a nonmonogamous relationship to thrive.

6. Do Establish Boundaries

Personal boundaries are like limits we set in relationships. It means understanding that everyone is an individual with their wants, needs, and values. Healthy boundaries prevent control of others.

In any relationship, especially open ones, boundaries are important. These boundaries can be about physical stuff, like how close you get to someone, or emotional stuff, like how much you share feelings.

Examples include;

Deciding how often and in what detail partners talk about experiences with others
setting rules for emotional involvement with external partners
saying what's okay in terms of physical closeness
agreeing on safe sex practices.

It's also about discussing how external partners fit into social circles, considering what everyone feels comfortable with. These boundaries help keep relationships balanced and respectful.

Don'ts

7. Don't Keep Secrets

Being in an open relationship doesn't mean having the freedom to do whatever you want without considering your partner. It's essential to recognize that open relationships thrive on transparency and communication.

Even though there may be more flexibility in forming connections with others, it doesn't grant permission to keep secrets from your partner.

Respecting agreed-upon boundaries is crucial, and not keeping secrets is an integral part of maintaining that respect.

Sharing your experiences depending on your boundary agreement, feelings, and intentions openly ensures that both partners are on the same page.

8. Don't disregard your partner's feelings

Being in an open relationship doesn't mean you are completely free. While there's room for exploration and connection with others, is crucial to recognize that a commitment to your primary partner still exists.

It jeopardizes the foundation of open communication that holds the relationship together since it requires a delicate balance of freedom and responsibility.

It's important to acknowledge that ethical non-monogamy involves not only embracing newfound connections but also actively considering and respecting the emotional well-being of your primary partner to maintain a healthy and thriving relationship.

9. Don't Assume

Assuming that your partner knows or understands your boundaries without explicitly discussing them can lead to disagreements.

If you assume that your partner automatically knows and shares your boundaries for example, it will lead to a lack of clarity which can result in one or both partners unintentionally crossing boundaries, as they may not be aware of certain limits or expectations.

For example, you might assume that your partner is comfortable with a certain level of intimacy with others, only to later discover that they have a different understanding.

It's very important to remember that, even in an open relationship where there is a degree of freedom, your primary partner will always be the one you return home to. Being in an open relationship doesn't grant you the opportunity to overlook certain things from your partner.

10. Don't compare partners

Since people can be involved with more than one person, it's important to create a supportive environment instead of a competitive one. Steering clear of comparisons helps keep things positive and healthy.

Instead of dwelling on differences between partners, it's better to concentrate on the dynamics and connection within each relationship. Taking time to understand and address the specific needs and dynamics of each partnership enhances the overall health and satisfaction of everyone involved.

11. Don't pressure

In any good relationship, agreeing with each other is super important, especially in open relationships. Everyone involved should willingly agree on what's okay and what's not, and this agreement should keep going.

It's not okay to force or push a partner into doing something they're not comfortable with. If you and your partners have different preferences, learn about each other's reasons and be open to learning and growing together.

12. Don't rush into it

It's not a good idea to rush into an open relationship for a few reasons. First, it's important to talk openly with your partner about the rules and what you're comfortable with.

Second, trust is super important, and that takes time to build. Third, if there are issues in your current relationship, jumping into an open one might make things worse.

Fourth, you need to make sure you both understand each other's feelings and connect emotionally. Lastly, take your time to think it through because making a quick decision might not be the best for both of you.

Pros and Cons of an open relationship

Pros

Experience a Sense of Freedom
Fulfill Varied Needs
Explore Various Relationship Dynamics
You aren't required to be everything for one partner
Grow and learn through diverse relationship practices
Live honestly and openly
Manage jealousy

Cons

Juggling many partners involves more effort and time
Facing Continuous Scrutiny from Social Circles
Requires regular openness and honesty
Challenges in Getting Primary Partner on Board
Lack of Relationship Security
Balancing Multiple Relationships Simultaneously

One-sided open relationship

A one-sided open relationship, also known as a lopsided open relationship, occurs when one partner has the freedom to pursue connections outside the primary relationship while the other partner remains monogamous.

In this dynamic, only one person is granted the liberty to engage in additional relationships. The partner with this freedom experiences increased autonomy, exploring relationships outside the primary partnership. Meanwhile, the other partner typically remains exclusive and does not engage in similar extracurricular connections.

In simpler terms, one person is allowed to have relationships with others outside of their main relationship, while the other person stays committed to just that one relationship. So, it's like one person is free to explore, while the other remains exclusive.

This kind of relationship does come with unique challenges as the partner committed to exclusivity might feel upset or disrespected if they sense unequal treatment or believe they aren't a priority, lacking the same level of care or attention.